Questions and answers

For people with something to sort out that they can’t discuss with just anyone – in the family, in a marriage, after an inheritance, in their own company or after selling it. Many own a business; many don’t. All of them need the same thing: an independent, discreet counterpart who sells nothing and is not part of the family. Whether it is personal or business matters little; often it is both. You can also come with a question that has no name yet – it is best sorted out before it turns into a dispute. The only requirement is that you can, and want to, decide for yourself.

Yes. The conversation is the same as for a business question – two people, confidential, no programme. Many people come with something that concerns only them or their family. You will find examples under What people bring; the note When you need a therapist, and when a sparring partner is enough explains where sparring ends and therapy begins.

Someone who manages nothing, sells nothing and is not part of the family. After an inheritance, everyone often seems to know what you should do with it: your siblings are part of the same story, the bank earns from the assets, advisers have a mandate. The first question is a different one: what do you yourself want – keep, carry on, share or let go? That is what we talk about, confidentially and without a mandate. Legal and tax matters are for your notary, lawyer and fiduciary (Treuhänder); our conversation comes before theirs and replaces none of them. More in the note Inherited or sold up: who has nothing to gain from you?

Someone who sees your situation from outside and gains nothing from any answer. Your employer has interests of its own, advisers have a mandate, and everyone in the family already has an opinion. Your question is a different one: what keeps you here, what draws you away, and how much of that also holds for your family? We sort that out before you negotiate or hand in your notice. Residence permits, tax and contracts stay with your lawyer and fiduciary (Treuhänder).

Yes. Sparring is about your question, not a company or a role. Moving for a partner’s job often costs more than a career: your network, the language of everyday life, the role people knew you in. In the conversation you work out what you want here for yourself, not only what the move asks of the family. I am neither a therapist nor a career adviser; permits, marital property and tax belong with your lawyer and fiduciary (Treuhänder). We talk in English or German, in Zug, on the Gold Coast or online.

Sparring is not suitable for people in an acute crisis or with health problems that belong with a doctor, a psychotherapist or the emergency services. Nor is it right if you want an expert report, a company analysis, legal or tax advice or an investment recommendation. And if you want confirmation of a decision already made, you will meet questions rather than agreement. If I see in the confidential conversation beforehand that I am not the right person, I will tell you – and tell you who might be.

Your specialists answer how something is done; a sparring partner helps you clarify what you actually want – before you brief the specialists. Fiduciaries and lawyers have a mandate and a liability; a bank often also earns on the solutions it recommends. That is legitimate, but not neutral. I have no mandate and no partners at banks, asset managers or law firms, I neither take nor pay commission, and I recommend no products. Often the conversation is about exactly this: putting your questions for the fiduciary and the lawyer in order first.

Give your client this page or my number and let them call me themselves. Many put it like this: “I know someone you can think this through with calmly – not a therapist, not an adviser.” I tell you nothing, not even whether we met. I neither take nor pay commission, give no tax, legal or investment tips and stay out of your mandate: specialist questions go back to you. Often your client comes back to you with clearer questions. More in the note Your client wants to talk, not therapy.

With someone who earns nothing from any signature. The bank, the fiduciary and your children mean well, and yet each has an interest or a worry of their own. In the conversation we work out what you want, what you do not yet understand and what to ask the specialists before you sign anything. I review no contracts and recommend no investments; that stays with your specialists. I come to your home, and one conversation is enough if one is enough.

With someone who belongs neither to your family nor to the company or its advisers, and who has no stake in what you decide. First comes what you want – not to take over, to take over differently, or later – not how to say it. Only then is it about the conversation with your parents. If I already talk with someone from your family or the company, I decline, without naming anyone.

Yes. You come alone; your partner hears nothing from me, not even that we know each other. I do not push a direction – staying or leaving. We work out what you yourself see and want before you say anything. The invoice shows the format and the date, not your topic. Marital property and prenuptial agreements belong with a lawyer; sparring is not couples therapy.

With someone who knows neither of you and does not push a direction – staying or leaving. Before a lawyer, family or friends take sides, we work out what you yourself see and want: what is over, and what is not? What does it mean for the children, the house, for you? I talk only with you; if your partner also wants a counterpart, I name a different professional. Marital property, maintenance and custody belong with your lawyer, and sparring is not couples therapy.

With someone who has no role in your family. Who takes care of them, who decides what happens to the family home, who is already getting more – these questions come while the parents are still alive, and they reopen old roles between siblings. In the conversation we work out what you yourself want and what you will say to your siblings, before it turns into a dispute. I talk only with you, not with the whole family. Care arrangements, powers of attorney and inheritance law stay with the specialist services and your lawyer.

With someone who wants nothing from you. Friends turn cautious or demanding, the family starts counting, and advisers call who never called before. Then there is your own question: how much of this is really mine now, and what do I want to do with it – or without it? That is what we talk about, confidentially and with nothing to sell. I give no investment or tax advice, have no partners at banks and take no commission. More in the note Inherited or cashed out: who has no stake in you?.

With someone who has no interest in the foundation or its beneficiaries. Often the role is inherited or wanted by others: what does the foundation stand for to you, what role do you want in it – and where do you say no, including to your own family? We clarify that before you accept, set it up or step down. Foundation law, supervision and tax stay with your specialists.

With someone who does not care whether you accept. Whoever is asking wants a yes; the people around you mostly see the honour. Your questions are different: why you, and what is really expected? Do you have the time, and towards whom would you face a conflict of loyalty? I have never sat on a board myself and say so openly; I test your reasoning, not the company. Liability, contract and fees you clarify with your lawyer.

With someone who belongs to neither of you. When the company has a say at the kitchen table and the marriage at the office, you lose sight of both: what is a business dispute, what is a personal one – and what do you yourself want? Sparring is a conversation between two people: I talk with one of you; if your spouse also wants a counterpart, I name a different professional. For joint conversations, mediation or couples counselling fit better.

With someone who gains nothing from any answer. Career, the children’s school, your partner’s job, ageing parents in another country – everyone in the family has their own reckoning, and rarely does anyone say out loud what it is really about for them. We work out what keeps you here, what draws you away and how much of that holds for your family too, before you resign or sell. Tax, pensions and residence stay with your fiduciary and your lawyer.

With someone who is neither your employer nor your family. A year off can be the right decision or a way of avoiding another one: what do you want to get away from, and where do you want to go? What does it mean for your role, your partner, the children – and how do you say it at work? We sort that out before you announce it. Employment law, pensions and finances stay with your specialists. I took a year out myself and know what it clarifies and what it does not.

Someone who earns nothing from the handover and plays no part in the family – that is what a sparring partner is for. Before the fiduciary, lawyer or notary shape the handover, and before the family takes positions, there is a different question: what do you yourself want – sell, hand over, keep, and on what terms? That is what we talk about, confidentially and without a mandate. Valuation, contract and tax stay with your specialists; with your own position clarified, you give them a clearer brief. That holds even when the more capable person is not the one everyone expects – the daughter rather than the son.

Someone who earns nothing from the sale and tells no one. The moment you talk to a bank, an M&A adviser or your fiduciary, a thought becomes a project – with parties who have an interest in closing. Before that there are questions only you can answer: do you want to sell, or do you just not want to carry on like this? What will you do the day after? Who gets to know, and when? That is what we talk about, confidentially, without a mandate and without it showing in your circle. Two notes to start with: Sell or keep the company and After the sale: who am I without the company?

Clarity about what you actually want – before positions harden that cannot be taken back. The shareholders’ agreement, the valuation and the buy-out belong with your lawyer and your fiduciary; the questions before that belong to no one: do you want to carry on with the company, with him or without him? What is the friendship worth to you, and what are you prepared to give for it? What will you say to him, and what is better left unsaid? That is what we talk about, confidentially and without a mandate. In a conflict I work with one side only. If you go to your lawyer with your position settled, you will usually need them for less time.

Yes – that is a typical case. The longer you lead, the more other people depend on how you react, and the more careful their answers become. That is nobody’s fault, but it hides what everyone else can see. In a session you put a decision or an assumption on the table, and I tell you where it does not add up for me – with no mandate, no career in your company and no interest in the outcome. What you do with that is yours to decide. Independent pushback is rarely found in-house; that is what this counterpart is for. More in the note Who do you talk to when everyone around you has a stake?

Yes. You don’t have to know what you need before we talk. Sometimes there is no decision, just something you cannot say to anyone around you – because everyone is involved, or because there is no one. Then I listen, ask where it helps, and keep my opinion to myself until you want to hear it. Often the question only becomes visible in the telling. What sparring is not: psychotherapy. If you are in acute distress, call the Dargebotene Hand helpline on 143 (English line 0800 143 000, 6–11 pm); in an emergency call 144. For everything else, it starts with a confidential conversation.

Yes. It is often family members who first notice that someone is carrying a decision around alone. Suggest the first, confidential conversation – 20 minutes, free, no obligation – and leave the call itself to the person concerned. I hold sessions alone with the person whose question it is, and I report nothing back to you; that holds even if you pay the invoice. That boundary protects the trust the conversation rests on.

I commit in writing to confidentiality – including the fact that we know each other, and beyond the end of our work. That applies towards all third parties: family, business partners, employers – including the person who referred you. If I already talk with someone from your family, your company or the other side, I decline, without naming anyone. I record nothing, keep brief notes and destroy them no later than 12 months after we finish. There are three limits: a legally binding order from a court or authority, an acute danger to life or safety, and a threat to a child’s welfare. Even then, I speak to you first wherever possible.

No. Professional secrecy under Art. 321 of the Swiss Criminal Code covers doctors, lawyers, notaries and psychologists, among others – not coaches or sparring partners. I do not promise you professional secrecy under Art. 321 of the Criminal Code but a contractual confidentiality, agreed in writing; the Swiss Data Protection Act protects your data on top. I have no statutory right to refuse testimony as doctors and lawyers do; if a court or authority legally compels me, I must answer – one of the three contractual limits, alongside an acute danger to life or safety and a threat to a child’s welfare. A coach who assures you of professional secrecy is promising more than the law provides. More in the note Is coaching confidential in Switzerland?.

Not needed – but possible: if you prefer your own NDA, I will sign it, provided it respects the three limits below. Otherwise confidentiality is part of the written agreement you receive before the first session. It covers the content and the fact of our conversations – including that we know each other – and continues after our work ends; no recordings; brief notes, destroyed no later than 12 months after we finish; the Swiss Data Protection Act applies in addition. It names the three limits: a legally binding order from a court or authority, an acute danger to life or safety, and a threat to a child’s welfare.

For the initial confidential conversation, a first name is enough. For an invoice I need a name and an address – it can be made out to a company. Anything beyond that is up to you; I do not need to know your company, your role or your surname. The invoice shows the format and the date, not your topic. To third parties I do not mention that we know each other; the same contractual limits apply as for the content of our conversations – a court or authority, an acute danger to life or safety, a threat to a child’s welfare.

No, I do not record sessions. I keep brief notes and destroy them no later than 12 months after we finish. The notes stay in Switzerland. For online sessions the video service processes connection data; the privacy notice names the service and where it processes data. Nothing is passed on – unless you authorise me explicitly and in writing, or one of the three contractual limits applies: a legally binding order from a court or authority, an acute danger to life or safety, or a threat to a child’s welfare. Invoices I keep for ten years, as the law requires – without conversation content.

Yes. The session takes place at your home, in your office or at a quiet place of your choice – you do not have to walk into a practice. Home is often the quietest place to speak openly: no journey, no waiting room, no audience. If we meet at your office, I come mostly in the evening, once the floor has gone quiet, or during the day on a Monday. Travel within 60 minutes’ drive of Wetzikon is included in the price. Neutral ground works too: a hotel lounge or a café of your choice. More in the note Home and office visits.

Anywhere within 60 minutes’ drive of Wetzikon – there, travel is included in the price: the city of Zürich and both lake shores, Winterthur, the Gold Coast from Zollikon to Stäfa, Zug, Baar, Cham and Rotkreuz, Wollerau and Pfäffikon SZ, Rapperswil-Jona and Einsiedeln. The Gold Coast means Zollikon, Zumikon, Küsnacht ZH, Erlenbach, Herrliberg, Meilen, Uetikon am See, Männedorf and Stäfa. Lucerne, Meggen and Hergiswil by arrangement; I name the travel cost in advance. Online I am reachable from anywhere. I am based in Wetzikon in the Zürcher Oberland – usually outside your circle, so we do not run into each other in daily life.

Your home, or your office after hours, is where we are least likely to be disturbed; if you prefer walking, choose the woods over the lakeside promenade. On the Zürichberg or Adlisberg you meet fewer acquaintances than by the lake, on the Zugerberg fewer than in Zug’s old town. If you wish, we agree beforehand how you introduce me if anyone asks. If someone does see us, they see two people talking. And if no place suits, we speak by video or phone.

A coach works with a method and questions on your development; a sparring partner tells you openly what he sees and pushes back. Many coaches give no opinion as a matter of principle. In sparring you get one – reasoned, respectful, and with the reminder that you decide. There is no programme, no exercises, no homework. The line is not sharp; I trained as a coach and use some of its questioning techniques, not its method. What differs is the goal: not your development, but a decision you can stand behind. More in the note Sparring partner, coach, mentor or consultant.

Yes – that is what sparring is: one independent person who listens, asks and tells you openly what he sees, with no stake in the outcome; in Swiss business usage it is called a Sparringspartner. In practice: one person, at your home or office, walking, or online; no programme and no method, but an honest opinion when you want one; confidentiality agreed in writing, with its limits stated openly. The fee is fixed and depends on the format and the length of the conversation, never on who you are; I tell you what it is in the first, confidential conversation, before you decide. That conversation is free – afterwards you know whether my way of working suits you.

No. Sparring is for people who are fundamentally healthy and able to act, and who want an honest outside view. It is not psychotherapy or medical counselling and does not replace either. I do not diagnose and I do not treat. In Switzerland, psychotherapy is a regulated health service provided by licensed professionals; sparring is a conversation between two adults about a decision or a conflict. If it becomes clear that you need a specialist, I will tell you openly and help you find the right one.

Then sparring is not the right thing. In an acute crisis, contact your GP, a psychotherapist or the Dargebotene Hand helpline on 143. In an emergency call 144 or 112. In the Zürich area also: AERZTEFON medical helpline 0800 33 66 55 (around the clock), the psychiatric emergency service of the University Hospital Zürich 044 255 11 11, the Kriseninterventionszentrum Zürich (KIZ) 044 296 73 10; Die Dargebotene Hand in English 0800 143 000 (6–11 pm). Sparring assumes that you are able to act. If the conversation shows otherwise – persistent poor sleep, hopelessness, thoughts of harming yourself – I will say so openly and help you reach the right place quickly. A treated, stable condition is not an exclusion; if in doubt, discuss it with the professional treating you.

Yes, if you are in treatment, your situation is stable and you are able to act. Sparring does not replace the treatment and does not interfere with it; we talk about your decision, not your health. I do not diagnose and do not judge whether sparring is medically advisable for you – your treating professional can; if in doubt, inform them beforehand. You do not have to tell me your diagnosis. If your situation changes during our work, I will say so openly, and we pause or end the sparring.

No. Whether exhaustion is an illness is for doctors and psychotherapists to judge – not coaches and not sparring partners. Your first port of call is your GP, who rules out physical causes and, where needed, brings in a psychotherapist. What I can do: look with you at which decisions are pending – role, pace, mandates – once the health question is settled. If it is about stress and exhaustion with no decision pending, I will tell you openly in the confidential conversation beforehand that a different kind of support fits better. More in the note Running on empty, not burnt out?.

Consultants deliver analyses and concepts, mentors their own path, advisory boards and boards of directors have interests of their own – and directors carry liability. A sparring partner has none of these – only your question. I do not analyse your company, write no concept and take no mandate. I have not walked your path before you and therefore do not recommend it. Nor do I sit on a board I answer to. That frees the view: no fee that depends on the result, no reputation at stake. For specialist knowledge, you still go to your specialists.

For first thoughts, yes – ChatGPT sorts, summarises and supplies counter-arguments. But it tends to agree with you, and it carries no responsibility. Language models are trained to appear helpful; the makers call the problem “sycophancy”, the tendency to follow the user’s stance. You also hand confidential company and family information to a service whose data processing you do not control – usually abroad. A person sitting across from you hears what you do not say and tells you when he thinks differently. Use both: the AI to sort, the conversation to decide. More in the note ChatGPT or a person.